An Open Letter from The Government to You:
It breaks my heart to see Tea Parties springing up all over America–the America I made great. Ungrateful dogs. Everything I have done is for you, my friend. Each “intrusion,” a favorite word of the powdered-wig set, helps you. You work hard for a living. Too hard. It’s those nasty profiteers. Who else is going to keep those capitalist predators at bay? Huh? Where will all the tea-baggers be then?
The Government is for you. The world is way too complicated to run by itself. You need me. And let’s get one thing straight. They are going to try to scare you. They’ll say I am Socialism. Watch for that. Socialism has some good elements, but don’t look for them to admit that. They’ll say it’s all bad. Profit does strange things to people. It’s all luck anyway. Why shouldn‘t they share with the unlucky?
No one, least of all me, wants you to be a slave. You want freedom, and you deserve it–it’s the greedy ones who need to be restrained. The President just wants what is good for everybody. That’s why he works day and night to think up more laws–laws that help you live a decent life and get what you need. Nobody, repeat, nobody should go to bed without knowing there is someone there to take care of them.
And that’s where I come in. I will take care of you while corporations are busy counting their money. I will be there when they quit making stuff because “no one will buy it.” I will be there when they try to take your job because you are “not needed” anymore. When no one else loves you, I will be there. You can count on it.
And one more thing. Don’t listen when they cry, “We can’t pay for it!” Have I ever let you down? Have I ever started a program and then killed it just because it “costs too much?” I was there when you didn’t have anybody else, and I never took more than my fair share from you. I went after the fat cats. They say we can’t pay for it, but the truth is that they don’t want you to know how much money they have. They don’t care about you. I do.
So next time you see these clowns in the town square in their 1700’s garb, shout them down. They want freedom, all right. Freedom to mistreat you. All they care about is being free to profit from your labor. Then send the President your support. He and I are the best friends you’ll ever have.