It is finally dawning on the occupiers of Wall Street that diffused anger only goes so far. They need…ideas! Not that they have any yet. They just realize they need some. Where do we get those things? Ideas, that is. (Fade to protest scene…)
Interviewer: Can you tell our viewers why you are protesting?
Protester: Dude, I am SO angry!
I: About what?
P: Inequality. Like, I have absolutely NO way of making the money these fat cats make.
I: So you are part of the 99%
P: Uh, I skipped school math year.
I: Right. So who exactly are you mad at?
P: Rich people.
I: All rich people?
P: No, just the ones who make a lot of money.
I: Are there rich people who don’t make a lot of money?
P: Yeah, like, you know, Warren Buffett. Well, he makes a lot but he doesn’t really like it. He wants to get taxed more. Rock on, Warren!
I: Is that what you support? Higher taxes?
P: Dude, yes.
I: How do you respond to the claim that 47% of lower income Americans pay no federal taxes at all?
I: Many Americans pay no federal tax.
P: Yeah, but they pay taxes to Washington.
I: Washington is the Federal Government.
P: (Blank stare) So have you seen our tent city? Mine is the one with the Peace sign on it. See over there? I got my tunes and my tablet all set up. Just like home, except without Mom and Dad always bitching about me going Establishment and getting a job. No way, Jose. I am staying here until America gets straight or I get laid.
I: What would your America look like.
P: Whoa. Finally a real question. Dude, it would rock. Like, everybody would just do what they wanted instead of what their boss told them. Like that creepy guy at Chick Fil-A when I had that job one afternoon. Look at me. I draw great pictures. Really creative stuff, especially when I am stoned. My friends crack up. I want to do that.
I: Who will pay you to do that?
P: Pay? No way. You see, that’s what is wrong. Money is all corrupt and stuff. Like, we would live just hanging out and doing what we want. Real natural, you know? So while I draw these great pictures, other people would like want to cook. And so I could eat and they could laugh at my pictures. Want to see some? Oh, man, I burned those to stay warm last night. Jesus, it gets cold out here.
I: Do you have any other policy prescriptions?
P: No, but I got some killer weed for a sick price.
I: I see. Do you have anything else to tell our viewers?
P: Yeah, like come on down and protest. We’re going to take back America, just like Marx did. God, I loved that mustache. And his brothers. What a hoot.
I: Thank you and stay warm.