Scared Stupid

I wrote this one a while back and never posted it, but it is a fit follow up to “Insulting the King.”

First Paul Krugman and now John Kerry think that the press should not report on the Tea Party. Now we know that the edifice of the entitlement state is starting to crack. Of course, no sane person would suggest that the news media slants the news outright unless he/she were actually losing it. It is a cry for help, I think, and warrants an intervention.

Counselor: So Senator Kerry, you would like the press to stop covering the Tea Party. Is that right?

Kerry: What are all these people doing here? You told me it was a fundraiser.

Counselor: We lied. You need help.

Kerry: Do I ever. These Tea Partiers. They want to cut taxes. On the rich! And lots of other nutty stuff. They keep talking about this Restitution.

Counselor: You mean Constitution?

Kerry: Yeah, that.

Family member: John, do you know where you are?

Kerry: (silent)

Family member: I mean what country you are in.

Kerry: Mine?

Counselor: No, not yours. Ours. It’s all of ours.

Kerry: But that would mean…

Counselor: Yes, that you have to let everyone speak freely. It’s part of our Resti…dammit, I mean Constitution.

Kerry: I promise I’ll be good.

Counselor: Well, it’s not quite that easy. You see, we arranged this intervention to get you to agree to go to liberty rehab.

Kerry: Rehab!!???

Counselor: It’s really not so bad. They just want you to read some Federalist Papers, the Constitution, and a little history.

Kerry: I love history. Have you ever watched those shows about ancient aliens on the history channel? Those are so cool.

Counselor: Well, will you go?

Kerry: No. I don’t have a problem.

Family member: John…

Kerry: This is so unfair. We had it made. Friggin’ economy. Friggin’ Tea Partiers. Friggin’ Rand Paul. All I wanted was to give people stuff. Oh, and get re-elected.

Counselor: Time to go, John.

Kerry: Sigh. I sure am gonna miss all this. Will it be here when I get back?

Counselor: Yes, but the world is going to look a lot different once you’re off the power thing. Trust me, it will be better. All those people who frighten you now won’t seem so bad. It will be like they have rights too.

Kerry: OK, now you’re freaking me out. Let’s go. Fast.

About Terry Noel

I am an Associate Professor of Management and Quantitative Methods at Illinois State University. My specialty is entrepreneurship.
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